It’s the holidays, and with that comes the iconic tales of Santa and Krampus. Santa rewards well-behaved children with presents, but if you’ve been “bad,” he might leave coal in your stocking as a punishment. Meanwhile, Krampus takes the naughty list to nightmare levels—dragging naughty children off in his sack or whipping them with birch branches.
What the actual holiday horror is this?
Don't get me wrong—if Krampus showed up to take me from my bed, drag me to his lair, and beat me with birch sticks, I'd become a model citizen faster than you can say 'seasonal trauma.' But let's be honest: the main motivator would be fear, and there would be fallout. I'd probably develop an anxiety disorder, need a weighted blanket subscription, and become that person whose Google history is nothing but 'is this normal' at 2 AM. Ho, ho, ho—nothing says 'behavior modification' like lifelong therapy bills!
As fascinating as these holiday horror stories are, they reveal our obsession with labeling behavior as 'good' or 'bad.' But when it comes to your dog, those labels aren't just outdated—they're as useless as trying to explain to your pup why the couch isn't a trampoline. Instead of asking whether your dog is naughty or nice, it's time to ask the real question: WTF—What's the Function? (Not that WTF, though your dog's behavior might make you say that one too!)
Good Dog, Bad Dog? Or WTF Dog?
When your dog barks at the door (WTF?), steals food off the counter (WTF?!), or jumps on guests (seriously, WTF?), it's easy to label those behaviors as "bad." On the flip side, sitting quietly or lying down might get labeled as "good." But here's the thing—behavior isn't inherently good or bad. Behavior is functional. Time to put on your detective hat and ask yourself: WTF?
To truly understand a behavior, we need to go beyond labels and look at its function. This involves breaking it down into its ABC components (no, not the alphabet—though sometimes understanding your dog feels like learning a whole new language):
• Antecedent: What happens right before the behavior? (The "Aha!" moment)
• Behavior: What does the dog do? (The "Oh no they didn't!" part)
• Consequence: What happens after the behavior? (The "So that's why!" revelation)
Let's ask WTF about a common example: a dog barking on a leash.
• Antecedent: The dog is walking on a leash with their owner and sees another dog across the street. (Plot twist incoming!)
• Behavior: The dog lunges and barks. (Classic dog drama)
• Consequence: The other dog moves away. (Mission accomplished, from your dog's perspective)
In this case, the function of the barking behavior is to drive the unpleasant trigger (the other dog) away. Your dog isn't trying to audition for a reality TV show—they're saying "Thanks, but no thanks!" to that social interaction.
Now, let's ask WTF about a different scenario: a dog barking at their owner who is working from home.
• Antecedent: The owner is sitting at their desk, working on the computer. (The nerve of you, having a job!)
• Behavior: The dog bumps the owner's hand repeatedly, whines, and barks. ("Hey... hey... HEY!")
• Consequence: The owner either gets up from the desk to address the dog or says "no" and pushes the dog away. (Either way, score! Attention achieved!)
Here, the function of the barking behavior is to get the owner's attention. Your dog isn't trying to sabotage your career—they're just really bad at scheduling meetings.
By analyzing the ABCs of behavior, we stop guessing and start understanding. Instead of assuming why a behavior happens, we can identify its function and address it effectively.
So next time your dog does something that makes you go "WTF?!", remember—that's exactly the right question to ask!
WTF: What’s the Function?
When we ask "WTF?" instead of labeling behavior as good or bad, we open the door to real solutions. Every behavior serves a purpose. Dogs bark, jump, dig, and even chew your favorite shoes (WTF, not the shoes that were supposed to make me look like I have my life together!) because those actions are meeting a specific need. Your dog isn't sitting there plotting revenge for that time you bought the generic treats instead of the fancy ones.
For example, WTF is up with that reactive dog barking on leash? They're not "bad"—they're likely trying to increase the distance from a perceived threat. It's basically their version of saying "I'm gonna need you to back up about 50 feet, thanks." Similarly, when your dog is barking while you're on that important Zoom call (WTF, right?), they're not being "naughty"—they're just really terrible at understanding work-from-home boundaries.
Understanding the function of a behavior allows us to develop strategies that actually work (unlike bribing your dog with treats to stop eating your couch—we've all been there). For the reactive dog, this might mean helping them feel safe with techniques like counter conditioning. For the attention-seeking dog, it could mean providing regular engagement breaks to prevent frustration. Think of it as scheduling meetings with your four-legged micromanager.
By focusing on WTF, you set the stage for real, lasting change. No Krampus required!
Why Your Dog Trainer Shouldn't Be Krampus: A Guide to Not Traumatizing Your Pup
Now let's talk about how to teach those functional behaviors. Santa is often seen as the ultimate rewarder, delivering gifts to those who behave well. But let's not forget that Santa also punishes misbehavior by leaving coal in your stocking (honestly, in today's energy market, that might actually be valuable—WTF, Santa?). Krampus, on the other hand, takes punishment to extremes—physically punishing those deemed "bad."
And let's be honest: Krampus would make a terrible dog trainer. Imagine Krampus showing up every time your dog pulls on the leash or barks at the door. "WTF, Krampus, put down the birch branches! That's not how we handle counter surfing!" Instead of teaching your dog an alternative behavior or reinforcing something positive, he'd simply punish them with a whip or take them away in his sack. (One-star review on Yelp: "Trainer showed up in horns, threatened to kidnap my dog. Would not recommend.")
Santa's coal isn't much better. Sure, it's less dramatic (and less likely to result in therapy bills), but it still misses the point—punishment doesn't teach your dog what to do instead. It's like telling someone "don't think about elephants" and expecting them to automatically think about giraffes. WTF, right?
Positive reinforcement—rewarding behaviors you want to see—is far more effective. If your dog jumps on guests (WTF, not my new pants!), reward them for sitting calmly. If they bark at visitors, reinforce quiet behavior. Think less Krampus, more "treat dispenser with good timing." Your dog will thank you, and so will your homeowner's insurance.
Let's Leave the Coal to Krampus
(And Maybe Send Him a Self-Help Book)
This holiday season, let's ditch the outdated labels of "good" and "bad" behavior. Instead, when your dog does something that makes you question your life choices, take a deep breath and ask yourself, "WTF—What's the Function?" Understanding why your dog does what they do is the first step to helping them succeed. (And no, the function is probably not "to drive me completely crazy," even though it feels that way sometimes.)
By rewarding the behaviors you want to see and creating an environment that sets your dog up for success, you're channeling your inner Santa—but with a modern twist. Think less "checking the list twice" and more "catching them being awesome." No coal or punishments required. Instead, let's focus on positive reinforcement, understanding, and maybe even a little holiday magic. Because at the end of the day, your dog isn't trying to end up on anyone's naughty list—they're just trying to figure out this crazy human world, one WTF moment at a time.
Still having those "WTF?!" moments with your dog? (Don't worry, we all are!) Let's decode them together. Sign up for my monthly email newsletter and turn those head-scratching moments into "aha!" victories.
Each month, I'll slide into your inbox with:
• Training tips that actually work (no Krampus methods, promise!)
• Expert advice for those "is this normal?!" moments
• Real solutions for when your dog's behavior makes you question everything
• And a healthy dose of humor, because let's face it—dogs are hilarious
Let's ditch those outdated "good dog/bad dog" labels faster than your pup can steal a sandwich off the counter. Sign up today and join our pack of problem-solvers! Together, we'll turn those "WTF?!" (What's The Function?) moments into "Wow, That's Fantastic!" successes. 🐾
P.S. No coal in your inbox - just pawsome content that'll make both you and your dog's tail wag!
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